Saturday, July 11, 2009

It Was All A Misunderstanding

First off, I would like to thank everyone who left comments on my last post. They all really made me feel so much better. With that said, I'll update you on that situation first.

I guess it was all just a big misunderstanding. The software my boyfriend "stole" of the internet, sold his information to all these porn sites and that's why he had a negative balance on his bank statement and was getting those emails. Two sites had charged his card when he checked the other morning, and then by the time he got back from the bank and was calling to close his card, there was a third charge. Thank God, he got the 50 some dollars back in his account that they had taken.

I was just thinking the worst because there have been multiple situations in the past where he has lied to me and kept things from me, so I figured this was one of those times. It took me awhile to trust him again after he cheated on me last summer, and after I was starting to trust him, he was emailing his ex girlfriend and when I asked him to stop, he continued to do it and kept it from me.

Now this wouldn't bother me, if the girl wouldn't constantly call talking bad about me, who she doesn't even know, and keep telling him that its her he should be with. This is what his ex girlfriend did all the time, when we first started dating. She would call all the time and then he wouldn't hear from her for a few months, and then it would start up all over again. Well, this past winter, I told him that it had been awhile since we heard from her, so he decided to email her, to see if she was doing alright. This is not the part that bothered me. I thought it was nice of him to do that, and I figured she was finally over him. I figured that, until she sent him a picture of herself, and was talking about how she broke up with her boyfriend and what not. Now, I am not stupid, I am a girl after all, and I know how other girls work. I told him that she still had feelings him, and that I felt uncomfortable with him talking to her. Now, I am a person that stays friends with all her exes because I think its good to stay friends, but none of my ex boyfriends have ever talked bad about Kody and none of them have told me over and over again that I should be with them instead of Kody. Kody has even met my first love, and they get along great.

So I told Kody I felt uncomfortable with him emailing her, so I kindly asked him to stop. It wasn't that I didn't trust him. I knew, and will always know, that he loves me and I am the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. It was the fact that I didn't like this girl, because she constantly talked about me to him, when she doesn't know me, and she constantly threw it in his face that he shouldn't be with me, but her. I really don't appreciate that and for that reason I will never be nice to her. His other ex girlfriends seem like such sweet girls. I even met one last New Years, and she was so nice. I really want to meet his ex girlfriend, Jessica, because she seems like such a sweet girl, and she was the one that told him he needed to tell me he cheated on me. They still talk every now and then, and that doesn't bother me, because she respects our relationship. This other girl doesn't. I'm not going to respect someone, if they don't respect me.

So, I kindly asked him to stop, because it made me really uncomfortable, and I knew it wouldn't be long til she was throwing herself at him again, because I knew she still had feelings. I thought he stopped until I saw his email, because he left it logged into my phone. I asked him about it, and he said he felt bad so he continued to talk to her. I got upset because instead of feeling bad for lying to me and keeping this from me, he felt bad for her. She makes people feel bad for her, with her "I hate myself attitude," and whatnot. And after I confronted him about it, he told me he didn't want to talk to her anymore anyway because she was back to her old way, and she was talking about me, again, just like I told him she would. After she starting doing this again, he finally realized that I was right, and she did still have feelings for him. So he emailed her one last time to tell her that I was right about it all, and she wrote back and told him that I was right, and she did have feelings for him.

That was in the winter, and he hasn't talked to her since. I guess she's doing well, because his sister brought her up the other day while we were at his parents house. I'm glad she is doing well. I don't wish anything bad for her, because I'm not that type of person. I don't hate anyone. Not even that girl that seduced my boyfriend and caused him to cheat on me. I would just never try and be nice to them. I know Kody loves me and he only wants to be with me, and that we're going to get married. He's my first true love, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. Thats why I forgave him for cheating on me. I know he made a mistake and it would never happen again. I still have dreams, all the time, though, of us breaking up, but I know it's not going to happen. But I guess, deep down somewhere its a huge fear of mine.

The whole cheating and ex girlfriend thing is why it upset me so much that I thought he was keeping this porn thing from me. I mean, I don't care if he watches porn, or looks at porn. I know he did last summer, when he didn't see me for a couple weeks, and I think he has recently. I just dont want him to hide it from me or lie to me, because it makes me feel if he lies about that, he could lie about anything. And I just found some naked girl pictures on his phone not too long ago, which he kept from me, and is why this upset me alot also.

But after confronting him, he assured me I have nothing to worry about.

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