I'm Starting to Feel Better :)

Me, Porcha, and Eden

I didn't take any pictures from my friend's Porcha's birthday out at the club, but my friend Jackie took a few before we left, and I love this picture. This was about a week and a half ago, when I was first starting to feel depressed. I love this picture because I look so happy, which I was happy because I love girl's nights, and just having some fun without Boyfriend. I mean, I love spending time with Kody, but sometimes we need to go out without each other, but its hard, since we hang out with all the same people.

This weekend, though, Kody and I had another fight, on Friday night. Everything was going so well until I caught him outside, smoking. He quit smoking months ago, after he found out his grandma had lung cancer. His mother is also at risk of getting throat cancer because she smokes so much. I was so proud of him for quitting because the earlier you quit smoking the less risk you have of getting cancer. He is only 20 so he hasn't been smoking for not even close to as long as his mother, or what his grandma did. She quit smoking 11 years ago.

But anyway, I caught him outside smoking, when I thought he only took hits occasionally from people at work. He told me he did that, but he would never buy a pack again. So I asked him where he got it from and he told me he bought his own pack. Thats what upset me the most because he told me he wouldn't do that. But he told me he got the pack like 2 or three weeks ago and has only smoke a few from it since then. In my mind, at least he isn't smoking on a regular basis, and he isn't doing it that often, but I was still disapointed in him, and I told him that. So he put the half smoked cigarette out.

My grandpa died of cancer when I was in 4th grade. My grandma is now with a guy, who's she has been with for the past several years, and he has cancer. Kody's grandma had cancer and his mom is at risk for cancer. My grandpa and my grandma's boyfriend's cancer has nothing to do with smoking, but anyone should understand why I wouldn't want my boyfriend so smoke. He's told me that he's quit smoking before but started back up again because he wanted to. I'm scared he's going to start smoking regularly again. And I don't want to lose him to cancer one day. Not only did his grandma have cancer but a lot of her family has died of cancer as well. He said it was breast cancer, but it was cancer non the less.

I know that he could still get some other kind of cancer, that has nothing to do with smoking, but at least his risks are lowered if he doesn't smoke. My grandpa was my best friend and I lost him. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I dont want to lose my best friend to cancer, again. Losing my grandpa was the hardest thing I ever had to go through and I dont want to do it again. I want to grow old with Kody and I want him to die an old man. My grandpa wasn't an old man, he was in his 50s.