Sorry For the Lack of Posting Lately

I've been really depressed lately and I haven't been in the mood to do almost anything. Even blog, which I love doing. I mean, I've been pretty down all summer, with not being able to find a job and whatnot, but I've been especially depressed this past week and a half. Its mostly because Kody and I have been fighting a lot this past week and a half.

Everything was good after we got back from visiting his parents a couple weeks ago, but last Tuesday we really got into it. I guess he has been stressed lately and was blaming me for everything saying that he wanted a companion and not a child. Basically saying that I was lazy because I didn't have a job and whatnot. He also felt like I didn't find him attractive anymore and that I hated touching him and kissing him. It made me feel like everything was falling apart and that we were soon going to break up. But we made up, like we always do, and he apologized and said he didnt mean all those things and he knows that I'm going through a slump right now and that everything will be fine once school starts in a month.

But I still couldn't help but feel depressed and feel like our relationship was falling apart and that I may be loosing him. Writing about it now makes me sad and want to tear up a little. He is everything to me, my best friend, my rock. I don't know what I would do without him. I've never felt this way about anyone else before, he is my first true love, my soul mate, the man I'm going to marry. But the both of us know we want to be together forever, so we do whatever we can to make things work and to get over our fights because we dont want to be like most couples who just give up.

Since then I've just been so down, and not really in the mood to do anything but its been getting better that last few days. Kody had a day off Tuesday so we rented a couple movies and got some popcorn and ice cream. Wednsday and Thursday we just stayed in and watched One Tree Hill. And yesterday we also went to the Goodwill and picked up a few books. I'm still on the same book I've been reading, but I'm trying to finish it soon. I think things are starting to go back to what they were when we first started dating. Everything was new and fun and its like the spark is starting to go out.

Last weekend was good though, I had fun, and it took my mind off everything, but once I got home that all I thought about again. Last Thursday and Friday we out to the house to see everyone that we haven't seen for two weeks. We drank and had a good time. And then Saturday it was my friend Porcha's birthday so we went out to the club and had a girls night, which was exactly what I needed and it was so much fun. I think this weekend will be fun too. Were gonna go out tonight, like we do every Friday, and see our friends and other than that I dont know what else we will do.

And I did get a new camera charger so hopefully soon I will be posting pictures of my jewlery on my Etsy shop. I can't wait to get it up and running. Kody has also been researching ways to make money and such, and school is starting soon. Everything is going to be just fine.

My Bestie's 21st Birthday Celebration--Part Two

Friday a party was thrown for my best friend, Jackie, who turned 21 yesterday. And yesterday was the second part of her birthday celebration.

For dinner the girls and I went to dinner at Golden Corral. I wasn't planning on going because I didn't have money but Jackie insisted on paying for me. I felt bad because it was her birthday but what could I do? I couldn't say 'no' because she said it wouldn't be the same without me. But I was glad that I went because I love spending time with just my girlfriends and we had such a good time. We got a few stares from people because we were constantly laughing so loud.

After dinner we changed into our other dresses and took a bunch of pictures. We were then ready to hit the club. We went to the same place we went for my 21st birthday because every Saturday they have dollar drink nights. It was so much fun.

Jackie's first legal drink

Dakota, Porcha, Jackie, and I

After the club closed we headed over to my old house to party some more with the rest of our friends. It was fun up until Dakota's boyfriend decided he wanted to fight with my boyfriend over something stupid. We were all playing beer pong and I guess Kody said something about him being stupid and it really made him mad. I didn't hear what he said, though. It was such a ridiculous fight because they are both good friends and it was stupid for them to be fighting. Thank goodness they made up quickly.

Then for some reason, Kody decided he would start fighting with me. I know it was not really him, though. When he gets blackout drunk it's like he has an alter personality that comes out and is a real big jerk. We get home and I try and help him because it looks like he is going to get sick, and all he wants to do is pick a fight with me. But I love him dearly and I know that isn't really him talking so even though it upsets me at the time, I let it go. I really don't know how he got that drunk because when I was leaving the club I called him, and he sounded fine to me. He didn't even sound drunk at all. And he said he had been careful all night and that he had been watching how much he drank. Oh, well. Its done and over with and I'm over it. I know he was really trying not to get that way but sometimes it happens unexpectantly.

Then this morning he had to go into work for THREE HOURS when he isn't even suppose to go in on Sunday's anymore. He shouldn't even have drove because he woke up and was still drunk, but he couldn't get ahold of anyone to call in. I guess the only thing he did was sit in the back room and read his book the whole time. Which was probably best. I don't even know why they needed him in the first place because they had three other people opening and every other person in his department was schedualed for that day. Oh well...

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend =)

And for more of the outfit I wore visit my fashion blog Fashionable Frenzie!

Well, the Night Started Out Good...

This whole having our own apartment thing is so nice. We've been here for three weeks and it just keeps getting better, except for the fact of trying to pay for it, but we're getting by. Kody's paycheck was really good this week so he finally opened up a new bank account and stuck 300 in it to save for rent thats due soon. He only gets paid every two weeks so hopefully his next one will be just as good. He's still not getting as many hours as he wants but his boss did schedule him during the mornings next week which is good because thats when he will make the most money. I am really happy for him because this week he was starting to get depressed at the fact that he's having trouble paying for us to live on our own this summer, and me not being able to find a job yet. He's been especially upset about not getting the hours at work. He changed his availablity since were out of school, but he was getting even less hours at sucky times. But thank God, he's got better hours this coming week. Its still only 20 hours and only three days but at least they are at better times during the day. The only good thing about it is that he called off for next Saturday since we're going home for his brothers graduation party and they gave him Wednesday to Sunday off. So at least we can go home for a longer period of time. We don't get to go home much and we have both our familys to go see, so its nice to have more time to spend with them.

Anyway, its nice not having to put up with parties all the time, like it was when we lived at the house. Its nice just being able to go over there to hang out with our friends and then leave when we get tired and come home to a nice quiet apartment. Its nice to go to sleep and not having a raging party downstairs. Usually there is always so many people over at the house but they all drink like everyday during the week there all worn out by the time the weekend is here. So I got semi-dressed up in my cute black tank top and pink leggings and I did my hair in a scruncy side pony with my new cute pink earrings that i've been dying to wear out...only to find out that everyone either was not around because they were going home or they had other plans. So I was starting to get a little upset. Then Kody wanted to get a bottle of Jager to split between us and our friend Ryan. I was all up for this idea but I did not want it to be just us three drinking. That happened every single weekend last year and it got old real fast and I was super bored everytime. So we got to the house and it was just the three of us. Thank goodness though after we got back from a beer run that two of our other friends were waiting for us. And then some more people showed up. Within a couple hours there were more people there but not a huge amount. I was just glad I didn't get dressed up for no reason.

But I was also kind of upset because when I asked Jackie (my best friend) if she was going over to the house she said she was going to a party that was a street over but she will probably be over later. I told her I was mad cause I got dressed up and it seemed like it was for nothing so she told me that she would definatly be over to see me. Then I asked her if Dakota (my other best friend) was going with her, because we had been txting Dakota and she wasn't responding. She said yeah, she was. Now after she told me that they were both going to a party, I got kind of upset because its like they are always hanging out with each other but they never invite me to do anything anymore. Our plan was to hang out as much as we can this summer but I never get a txt from either of them asking if I want to do something. The only time I do is if its a typical Friday night and one of them asks if I'm going over to the house. I don't know, I just feel left out sometimes. Its like they automatically assume I'm with Kody, which 90% of the time I am because we live together. But thats the thing..we live together...so we are always with each other. Its good if we actually spend some time away from each other. And besides, what do they think I'm doing when he is at work. They know I don't have a job, yet, and my car is broke, so obviously I'm just sitting at my apartment, bored. Then there was that time Jackie was suppose to come over last Thursday to get caught up on Grey's Anatomy but she never txted me to say she was coming over. Then I found out she was watching the finale at Dakota's. But I let it all slide after Jackie told me we should hang out this afternoon and start drinking early and go to her friend's cookout. She was also suppose to get ahold of me, this morning after he dad took her to get her new car, so we could get some $1 flip flops at Old Navy, but I never got a txt or call from her. And I still havent. I mean I'm not really up for drinking and Kody wants to stay in tonight, but it would be nice to get out of this apartment and enjoy this beautiful day, also considering its Memorial Day Weekend.

Last night I also ended up getting into a fight with Kody because he drank way too much and just started a fight for no reason. The whole night was great and as soon as we started the walk back to the apartment, he started getting an attitude with me for no reason. He thought I was mad at him and I kept telling him I wasn't mad at him. When he drinks too much he takes things the wrong way and that is what he was doing. He was taking what I was saying the wrong way so he kept talking to me with an attitude and he kept saying I was trying to start a fight with him. Then he kept saying I was the one that was drunk and it was clearly the other way around. So then we made up before any serious fighting had started. But then he started up again as soon as we got back to the apartment. I don't even know what we were fighting over. He just wanted to fight. So first he turns all the lights off on me, and then knocks over my lava lamp on the counter, which knocks a bunch of stuff on the kitchen floor. So I ask him why he just did that and he's taking it the wrong way. So then he goes into the bedroom and I ask him if he set his alarm, which I know he didn't because his phone was still in the living room. So I'm yelling at him because he is being a real jerk and all he can do is laugh in myface. So then he gets up and I assume he's going to get his phone to set his alarm so I get up to find him and he is laying on the living room floor using his jeans as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Even though he has his pillows in the bedroom and there are extra blankets in the linen closet. So I tell him to get up and go to bed, because even though we are fighting I can't fall asleep alone, and he tells me no and he's still being a jerk. So I slap him because he really needs some sense slapped into him for the way he was acting. So he gets pissed of at me and picks me up and brings me to the bedroom and tries to throw me on the bed but I hold on to him really tight and I manage to get him turned over and I sit on him and I tell him to stop acting like he is.

From the day we started hanging out he's yelled at me and made me cry for no reason when he drinks to much. Fourtunally its gotten a lot better over the year and a half we have been together but he still starts fights and yells for no reason when he drinks too much. We've cut down the drinking to one day a week and he likes it that way so at least were making more progress. He only gets like this when he's had too much to drink, and last night he had a few jagerbombs too many. He gets upset everytime I'm gone and I come back and ask him how much he has had to drink, but I do it so we don't have a situation like this. Last night I didn't monitor his drinking as much as I should, but then again I shouldn't have to. He should be able to drink that much and not act that way. Either that, or he shouldn't drink that much. Either way, he simply should not act like that. I'm grateful that its gotten much much better in the past year and a half, but we still have a way to go. He is the one I know I will marry one day, but I told him I can't put up with that for the rest of my life, and I wont. But we made up, and we didn't go to bed angry at each other. I don't believe in doing that becaus I don't think its healthy for a relationship. Even if we do go to bed angry, we don't sleep in separate areas, because I don't think thats healthy either, and we wake up like nothing happened because we have had a chance to sleep on it and wake up in a better mood.

Now tonight were just going to stay, like we have been doing on Saturday nights, and just hang out together :)